I don’t feel depressed or stressed, but I am of course. How could I not be? My husband, special needs and all, the love of my life, my heart, my world, has been locked away.
I worry even when I don’t realize I’m worried.
Our future is so uncertain! I can’t see him until I can buy a car. I can’t buy a car until I make money. I can’t make money until I find a way to make money.
Oh my gosh! It’s almost been a year since I’ve seen him and now he’s 393 miles away!
Then he will need a home to come home to. Then there’s canteen and phone minutes. If he has canteen he doesn’t ask and if he doesn’t ask then he doesn’t owe.
And will we have a baby when I’m 50 or will I be too old and forever be the woman who failed to give him a child?
I want to sleep but I want to feel productive. The blog needs me! I need the blog. I need to build a future but how?!?
Sleep feels counterproductive though I know it’s not. I know I need sleep. I swore I’d get to sleep by 10pm every night. Right! I can’t sleep!
I have to wait for his phone call! My husband needs me! No I mean I love hearing his voice. It’s not a have to like obligated it’s like I HAVE to or we both have a panic attack! I love him so much. He loves me so much. This sucks!
What if he’s having a rough time? Then I need to talk to him until he feels better. I have to or I will worry all night that his depression is worse.
What if he stims or gets loud and somebody sees it as disrespect? No it’s best I let him vent to me if he’s anxious. I can take it!
After all, I’m not stressed. Nope, not me. No way, never, nah! Why would I possibly be stressed?!?
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