Did I Choose to be a Prison Wife?

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Let the rain fall down
I will stand my ground
Steadfast in love
A strength that comes from above
I didn’t choose this life
This life chose me
Strong and faithful prison wife
That is who I’ll be
In my husband’s mind, I chose this life when I said: “I do”. He believes “in good times and in bad” could also be incarceration. However, other than “in sickness and in health” also including his mental health (which was in a very bad place), I don’t feel like I chose this life.

Do we as believers really choose our lives?
At the time of my husband’s arrest, he and I were already in the midst of reconciliation. I had no idea how to handle all that was going on! I think my breaking point was believing that I had a place to call home for a few more weeks and then being told I had three days to leave. At that moment, I still had a very good income and would have made the rent without a problem. I lost that job when that last ounce of hope was taken from me and I had no friends or family to turn to.
I didn’t choose to be jobless and homeless, it was chosen for me.
As I cried out to God, asking “what do I do?” That is when He simply directed me to a heart formed in the vines of the tree and whispered softly into my spirit.
“Love him.”
Thus I did obey and chose to stay, but I don’t believe I chose to be a prison wife or even an inmate wife. Maybe I didn’t fully grasp the meaning. Maybe I was traumatized and filled with compassion all at the same time.

I chose the “wife” part. My husband’s poor choices and even poorer choices in the “company” he kept, chose the “prison” part. God told me to stay and I did. God told me to love him and I do.
Whether that means I chose this life or if that means this life was chosen for me, either way, my husband and I know that God gives us strength each and every day to rise up and continue moving forward. Our faith, hope, and love carry us through the “incarceration” part.
There have been many times that I, as David did in Psalms 142, have cried out loudly to God, pleading with Him for mercy, and spilled out all of my complaints before Him. God has never lost His patience with me or my husband through all of this.

My husband and I  are each other’s strength when the other has had a rough day. We hold tight to each other through daily phone calls and we reach out to the other through encouraging letters. Each of us has developed a stronger sense of appreciation and deeper infatuation for the other.

We believe God has a plan in all of this. Nothing that happened in our lives has been a surprise to God in the Heavens. Sometimes we stray too far and He has to pull us back. Sometimes He has to correct misbehaviors, but even my husband, who awakes in a world of negativity, can openly and honestly admit that he and I are richly blessed.

We’re not blessed in wealth or things, and we have yet to be blessed with a healthy baby of our own, but we are blessed in love and we are blessed to be under the favor of
God Almighty!

Did I choose to be a prison wife? Not really.

Do I choose each day to remain a prison wife? Absolutely!
Love returns Love and Good returns Good.
We are going to get through this.
©2018loveincarcerated

Image Pixabay Schattenwolf

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