It’s My Nature to Protect Him

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My writing has been sporadic due to changes within the home where I live. I’m trying to go with the sleep flow of the house and it’s crushing my creativity. I’m forcing myself to readjust so that I can get any sleep that isn’t broken. In doing so, I’m starting my blogging around 6 hours later than usual and have missed my most of my creative hours.

In addition, my husband and I have hit a bump in the road. I caved and subscribed him to an inappropriate magazine. Due to being born to an alcoholic he is very prone to addictions and honestly, I just got tired of hearing about it. He chose the magazine over phone time with me. That shows me that he’s not 100% in this and I’m going to focus on my blog and writing. I’m fighting against his Autism and Impulse Control Disorder. There’s a selfishness that goes along with that, that goes beyond words.

I’m not judging my husband. I know he’s struggling. In his eyes, he won’t need to look at other women once we’re together. In my eyes, he’s used other women to hurt me so much that this is a real blow to me.

God has him in prison for a reason. I know He’s working on him and I can’t be impatient. Honestly, I don’t know if I did the right thing or not. I just know that he can’t verbally or physically defend himself and he isn’t ready to fight against his demons. I didn’t want him to get the pictures some other way and have something come up missing or get accused of not returning something so in this case, yes I fed his problem.

I guess it’s not only him that I’m angry at.

But what choice did I have?

He could get seriously hurt over what?

A magazine with nude pics?

Is that worth it?

To him, on an impulse, it would be.

To me, I could never forgive myself.

It hurts but I did the right thing for him.

I’m not sure when I get to do the right thing for me.

I don’t know what the right thing for me

is.

I know I love my husband.

It’s my nature to protect him.

I can’t protect him from himself.

©2018loveincarcerated

 

Image Credit: Pixabay comfreak

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