A year ago today, I was in a bad place!
Ordinarily, I would walk or catch the bus two miles down the road to the police station where my husband was in jail. On December 5, 2017, he wasn’t in jail. I had been unsuccessful in finding work after being fired after running late, and I slept most of the day in a state of depression. My husband was in court. I had only gone to court once.
Considering his so-called “crime” stemmed from making a baby during several weeks of an affair and then being charged as an attacker (8 damn times!), my heart couldn’t take the dealings of court. Perhaps I was chicken! He didn’t mind though. He loves me for standing by him despite him breaking my heart. He didn’t want me to do anything that I didn’t feel strong enough to do and attending court is one of those things.
That night he called me.
“Well, Funny, I got good news and bad news!”
He knows I’ll ask for the bad news first so he jumped in and gave me the good news.
“The good news is, I don’t have any probation.”
“What?! That means a longer sentence!” I shrieked.
“Yeah….it does mean that but when I get out it will just be me and you and no probation.”
I already knew the number before he said it. I could tell by the information provided that he’d been sentenced the maximum. My heart sank and my mind was in a swarm. The so-called “victim” had forfeited her third and final chance to right this wrong. All she had to do was show up and sign a statement that she didn’t want the father of her child to do time. Of course, if he does time her or whoever is raising the child gets more in tax returns. She did want him to do time because she’s an evil, vindictive, ***** oh my gosh she makes my blood boil! I’ll just stop there!
“Judge gave me 15” he said.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Okay, I’ll give it time to sink in and call you back.”
I hung up the phone and felt the tingling in my head as I blacked out from a small seizure. I was on my air mattress (the only furniture I owned), so I wasn’t in any danger. For 13 months I had remained strong. The thought of being without my best friend for 15 years over a lie ~ shattered me. It was more than my brain could take.
He called back later that night and I don’t remember what we talked about. He was taken two weeks later. I haven’t seen him since.
Mentally and physically, I’m in a better place. Emotionally, I struggle. I struggle a lot from the pain of what’s been done to destroy my family. He made a bad decision and he’s paying for it. I did nothing. I’m still paying the price.
So if you read my poetry and it sounds a little angry at times, or if I write about wanting her and her family to suffer tremendously. If I call them worthless pieces of spit that they are, just know that I’m still dealing with the emotional side of things. I hate them and I want them to suffer every single day and have miserable lives!
The baby though, I offered to pay child support and help raise him, they chose to destroy us instead, so F*ck them!
My husband and I will continue to love that little boy from a distance and pray for him daily that God will send someone into his life who will guide him to rise above all of this. I hope one day to meet him and let him know how loved he is.
Until that day, my husband and I try to make the most of every phone call, every letter and hope God provides me a car to see him again soon.
I was in a really bad place this time last year and I still have a long way to go before I recover from what was taken from me..
Heart Broken prison wife and stepmom